Before mercury, my blood used to fill thermometers.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Art is beautiful. Artist must be beautiful.

I've got two open windows. Of the browser variety. I'm working on Very Literary and an essay at Anobium. The essay's spiraling out of control: I'm thinking about the need for physical models of behavior, watching artists work, documenting artists, the point at which making art physically becomes "performing documentation," subjective documentation, perpetuating documented art, modes of perpetuation (and the Internet) and doing things alone. Initially I didn't think any of my friends would see me read in Philadelphia (they are beautiful people, I just figured they'd be busy) and I was surprised to be reading in a shop that wasn't opened, to an audience that was sitting, with a spotlight on me. It was fun, and that is valuable, but I had it in mind that I would read and I wanted to do readings to reinforce that reading my work out loud was very much between the work and I, recognizing that I'm responsible for the work, and my interaction with it is what is really there, and the thrill/notion of perpetuation is false. Then I watched the Marina Abramovic documentary. After getting sick. My headspace is impossible. The way I described it just now the essay doesn't sound like it's spiraling but I'm consciously avoiding and excising thinking about "artistic success" which I'm corralling for the thing on Tiny Furniture on which I'm still working. I love thinking about "artistic success" (I cannot help putting it in quotes). I love when my relatives ask me when I'm going to win an Oscar.

I'm still recovering from a really bad episode that was dashed for the most part after reading My Life is a Movie by Carina Finn, my review of which should cycle up on Anobium very soon. Reading it was like mainlining relief. I'm still feeling a little like mush - the bruisy after-affects of being basically insane for a little over a month - and I have been trying to get into television. Girls was very therapeutic. I do not like Downton Abbey, but I devoured the first season on mute in order to see Dan Stevens move. I think my state would be totally improved if there would just exist a comedy about Dan Stevens editing an online literary journal.

And solving mysteries. I am host to such mysteries that could benefit from your solving.

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